It was a rainy day, warm, but long periods of more gray cloud cover and I wasn’t in the mood for any of my usual music, so I asked Pandora to create a station based on Bach’s Cello Suite in G Major because well, I’m nerdtastic and that song just gets to me. The version they asked me to approve was Europa String Choir’s and I’d never heard of them, but the prelude’s the prelude and so I said sure.
The station, this station they create…first, let me say the Europa String Choir is sexy and dark and dramatic and incredible. Simultaneously, I’m combing through my notes from last November, planning to reinstate Jack and change up my style (a little first person, a little third) and I’m reminded that the last time Lauren and I were at the 61C, I was writing about Amory and Oliver and the people there, they played the Royal Tenenbaums soundtrack out of nowhere, to our astonished bemusement. To the station, then, I added the Ravel, the String Quartet in F, Second Movement and then song seeds from a couple of the Europa songs that had already caught my attention. Then pop up these guys who call themselves the Mads Tolling Trio and between the three, I’m swept absolutely away, right off of my feet.
From there, I lose myself in these strings, these insistent, whimsical, dark, storytelling strings and the dark clouds outside. Work is ridiculous and still raises my blood pressure, but in these moments, I can breathe because my boss’s light is off and the cello streams through headphones and for those hours, that’s enough.
When I got back, Emily and I ran to get a few groceries and odds and ends and just being out for even an hour, just being out to pick up a new set of sheets and some yogurt, just being out with someone else has helped tremendously. It reaffirms yet again that when it boils down to its barest components, I can get a new job and a new apartment and I can buy a plate on which I’ll someday serve a cupcake and I can buy a picture frame that will someday hold a photo of our very first big cafe milestone, but what is driving me to be unhappy on this daily basis is loneliness. It’s honestly what’s driving every other thing that’s wrong in my life.
Combing through various pages on Meetup, searching for book club after book club, I grew vaguely frustrated and started looking simply for likeminded people. The crimson influence bleeds into many other “intellectual” circles in this town and so I was a bit concerned about finding a group of people who didn’t want to get together to out-condescend one another and who also didn’t want to get together only to drink cheap beer and watch the Celts. There is a middle ground, right, one who’s a little bit nerdy and low-key and non-threatening and welcoming? So I joined up with a group of girls, lovely ones, it seems, who go on little excursions and go out for coffee or brunch or drinks after work. And so we’ll see.
In the meantime, I’ve got Europa and a flight on Thursday. <3
read comments (0)In time, you need to learn to love the ebb just like the flow.
Posted by lani in growth, magically real
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